Fantasia 2000

Chapter One: Why Fantasia 2000 Is Not At All Good

Once you get over the huge IMAX screen (elapsed time: 6 seconds) you will immediately realize that Disney's latest attempt to thaw Walt's head, Fantasia 2000, is very ill conceived and boring. Worse yet, F2K will also remind you that the original Fantasia was boring. In a sense, the opening minute or so of the movie is a double-shock; not only are you about to sit through a dull sequel, your brain is processing the boring-ness of the last one and how you got duped into expecting something decent. Essentially, you are sitting through two boring movies for the price of one. This trick - also used in the latest James Bond movie The World IS Not Enough - is not a good way to start a movie. Like its predecessor, Fantasia 2000 consists of eight sequences of animation set to classical music, this time with "special" guest host interruptions. Flying whales set to music. Flamingos with a yo-yo. Donald and Daisy on Noah's Ark. That's it. Only one sequence is the least bit entertaining, a bit about New York City during the depression set to Rhapsody in Blue, and with the animation styled after caricaturist Al Hirshfeld. It was nice in a classic Warner Brothers Golden Years way. But instead of being a dazzling fusion of sight and sound, Fantasia 2000 is vapid, flat gimmicky fluff. Mickey returns from the original Fantasia, in The Sorcerer's Apprentice. I imagine it's the segment most people remember, but the picture looks very fuzzy and buggy-crawly having been blown up to IMAX scale. Everything else is either terribly lightweight weight in terms of subject (por ejemplo: Dorito shaped butterflies being chased by abstract bat shapes, set to the music of Beethoven's Fifth) or really worn out in terms of ideas (i.e. the constant "thrill" of seeing flashing and crashing animated water in piece after piece). The music is surprisingly unmoving - it might as well be Supertramp or Night Ranger. I laughed at loud at the final "Faerie" inspired (as opposed to "fairy:" in the Peter Pan/Tinkerbell vein) piece set to Stravensky's "Firebird." All of this cobweb-infested tripe comes as no surprise once you discover that the whole toad was produced by Walt's younger brother, Roy, who actually appears in the beginning. He informs us that Fantasia was supposed to be a work in progress, with new segments being made annually. If this is the best they could come up with after 60 years, I think we can wait sixty more for the next installment. Maybe that one will be in 3-D. Catch me.

Chapter Two: Why IMAX Is Not At All Good Either

Not only does Fantasia 2000 expose the flaws of the original film, it exposes the flaws of the whole concept of IMAX. Disclaimer: This is only my second IMAX experience as an adult, the first being Everest. Still, I can't help feeling that the subjects of most IMAX features belong on a slow weekend afternoon of programming on the Fox Network, not on a 6x8 story screen. All IMAX movies seem to be built upon the idea that being super big should be content unto itself, rather than another piece of the experience. Honestly now, The Magic of 3-D, Sigfreid and Roy, Deep Sea Adventure, Rolling Stone's Steel Wheels Live? Check, please. I'll you what should have been on IMAX: The Matrix. True the 4:3 aspect ratio might not suit the current print of the movie, but the huge screen would: just imagine that helicopter gently folding itself into the side of that building if the screen was the size of the White House. But alas. IMAX features continue to stink in that saccharine "WholesomeFamilyGoodness" sort of way. Just make it for children, do a competent job, and everyone will enjoy it. And while we are on the topic, here is another complaint. IMAX=Expensive Parking. I have discovered that this is almost always true. Unless you live in Manhattan, in which case your never going to drive to the movies anyway, IMAX theaters are always located in out of the way museums, or at weird tourist areas, somewhere you need to take the dreaded "Shuttle Trolley." My parking at Chicago's super unfun "Navy Pier" entertainment area was $11.50. That's for three hours. The woman in line in front of me asked the cashier if the theater validated for parking. "Only after 5:00,"the guy responded dumbly, and that only takes off three dollars. "But then I won't be able to feed my baby!"